From me to you
by Black Sheep
Summary: SS/HP-Harry has vanished from Hogwarts and his closest friends are looking from him. After years following the trail he left them, they uncover some of their friend’s hidden secrets. They uncover those aspects of him he refused to let them see and the t
1. Hermione POV

Title:                         From me to you

Author:                    Shayla

Started:                   12.11.2002

Warning:                  Slash, Rating for later chapter

Pairing:                    Definitely SS+HP, also RL+SB and HG+RW

Summary:                (Angst) Harry has vanished from Hogwarts and his closest friends are looking from him. After years following the trail he left them, they uncover some of their friend's hidden secrets. They uncover those aspects of him he refused to let them see and the thing he fought the hardest to keep at his side. But will they find him in time?

Disclaimer:               I'm a poor student who doesn't own anything that belongs to JKR. I can only claim the plot as mine

Thanks to:               Anna-chan for beta the first two chapter^^. Any remaining mistakes are entirely my fault…

Chapter 1: Hermione's POV 

It's cold and windy here in the northern parts of England. Maybe it's because winter is approaching. 

I pull my jacket closer around myself and as we walk trough the small town, my husband lays a comforting hand on my shoulder. I have never been here before but I can feel the warmth of the people. They seem nice and they laugh and smile a lot. Or at least that is the feeling I get. 

"Maybe we should look for an inn to stay." Says Sirius as he and Remus point at a small house with a vacant sign on it across the street.

Ron nods and we head towards it.

For a moment I wonder what I am doing here, in the middle of nowhere out in the cold rain. But I dismiss the thought as Ron leads me into the warmth of the house.

A woman, much younger than me, comes to welcome us. Remus takes care of renting the rooms for us while the rest of us enter the small, yet cozy dinning room where we are immediately greeted with hot coffee and wine to warm up.

I listen vaguely to the conversation the men have as my thoughts drift off on their own, again. It is nothing new; in the last years this has happened to me quite often. When I think of the past, I can relax. And although, there are many memories, which I would rather forget, I know that those experiences are what have made me who I am.

Yet sitting here with those three is not the same without the last member of our old trio. He left a vacant place that no one has been able to fill, and even if Ron says that we have to respect Harry's reasons for leaving without notice, he has been hurt deeply inside as we all were. Maybe that is the reason the four of us are here now, to look for our lost friend, a godson, a part of our family.

How many years have passed since I have seen Harry last? Too many if you ask me. I have lost track of the number or maybe I just don't want to confess to myself that an important part of my life has been gone for so long.

I don't even know when our drifting apart started. Was it during the years we worked as teachers side by side, or during the war before or was it even earlier, during our time at school?

I know that he always tried not to worry anyone; he wanted to be what everybody expected from him, to fulfill the hopes he saw in the eyes of the people. And it was this continuous pretending to live up to them that ate him slowly inside. 

Thinking about it, I don't know what made him happy again. What reason he found to live again. After sixth year he became so enclosed in his own world that he stopped asking for advice, for help. I can still remember Ron saying to him that he couldn't keep everything inside, that he was just human after all, that he should let it all out. 

It went on for years, so long that we - his best friends and closest relatives - started to see his strange behavior as normal. And maybe it was that that let the changes in his life go unnoticed. We unconsciously ignored the smiles that were returning to lighten up his face, the twinkle in his eyes when he joked, the life that had found his way back to him. 

Yes, like a melted candle he gathered himself together again and became the Harry Potter we all so loved.

His secrecy remained though. He didn't want to spend time with us so often anymore. He retreated into himself away from the outside world. Of course we didn't care by then. We were all too involved in our own lives and the war to try to figure out his behavior. He became just someone in the crowd and thinking back now, I believe he was glad. He never liked being in the spotlight.

But I can still clearly remember the first time he declined Ron's offer to spend the holidays with us. Back then we both had though that he was going to spend it with Sirius, who had been freed of all charges. It was month later, when he came back radiating happiness, when Sirius asked what we had done with him to make him so happy, that it became clear that he had found another source, another pillar to lean to… and probably to love… But that though occurred to me much later.

And it took me another three or four months to notice that small golden ring on his finger and I think another week to see a similar silver one on a chain around his neck. When I tried to talk to him about it he changed the topic. He did it with such wit that I didn't notice until he had already left that we had come off the true reason for our conversation. I never pushed the subject though. I figured he would tell me when he thought the time was right. I didn't bother to tell Ron about it either.

We were in our late twenties when the war finally broke out. Harry, as expected was in the front, accompanied by Albus and Severus. Those two stood by his side all the time protecting him. 

Hmm… The war… it cost us many friends and loved people. We suffered a great loss with Albus' death, but Harry remained and he had won against the Dark Lord. No one knew what the final battle had been like. Albus had died by Voldemort's hand and Severus refused to tell. 

It took us almost a year to recover lightly from the damage that had been made to our souls. Minerva took the position as headmistress and re-opened Hogwarts, which had been almost completely destroyed during the war. Harry and I returned to teach. I, to take McGonagall's position, and Harry to return as Potion's teacher, after all Severus had gotten the Defense Against the Dark Arts position when it became obvious that the children were not prepared well enough to fight back the dark forces. And who better to take this position than him? I have to smile still at the thought of Severus handing his dungeon to Harry Potter. He had been nervous and yet somehow content. Harry had assured him, that he wouldn't blow it up and that if he ever felt lonely the doors were always open to him, after all the Severus was still Head of House of Slytherin. 

I don't know when it was that Remus pointed out to me that Snape wasn't living in the dungeon anymore. He though it funny that with the change of position he had moved out and given Harry free hand to do what ever he wished with his former home. But Harry only went to teach in the dark and humid place. He rather enjoyed the idea of being allowed to stay near the Gryffindor Tower, like me. Then again, I was Head of my House….

I think it was short after I had given birth to my second child, when I was thirty-two, that McGonagall and Snape had that huge fight. Both were so furious with each other that Snape left the school and said that he would never come back. Those of us of the staff who remained were shocked. Snape had left slamming the door behind him and Harry had gone right after him looking rather pale. Sirius, who had taken the position of History teacher just to be around his godson and obviously Remus, our Herbology teacher, had asked as first what the fight had been all about. Minerva looking rather stressed had said that it was because Snape refused, now for two straight years, to let his daughter attend Hogwarts. How could he teach here and not have the confidence that they could offer her the best education? She had magical abilities like his father and she should attend one of the Wizardry and Witchcraft schools. But the DADA teacher was against it. He didn't want his daughter to come here.

To say that we were just a little taken back by this would be a lie. We were shocked to say the least. Sirius had made a rather rude comment on how anyone could dare to have a child with Snape. But Remus had quickly shut him up by boxing him on the side. 

Minerva then explained to us that she herself had not known about this until the list of students that had potential to attend Hogwarts had arrived. She had been rather surprised herself to find the name of Melphina Snape on one of the pages.

Well, Snape kept to his word, he did leave and the position of DADA became vacant again. But to our dismay no one came even close to being such a good teacher at this as Severus. I think it must have been then that Harry started to retreat into the little four walls he called his home. He spend most of the day there, not coming out, not letting anyone in. From time to time he would join us in the Great Hall to eat, but he preferred to keep to himself.

Sirius and Ron, on my behalf went to see him and ask what was going on. They stormed his room after he had closed the door behind him. Knocking the door out of its hinges after removing every single protection spell and they made their way inside to find the room empty. 

No one had actually ever been in Harry's little world. Except for a bed and a desk with some books on it the room looked as though no one lived in it. No personal belongings what so ever, not even clothing.

This perplexed us, Harry was nowhere in the room and there was only one-way out of here, the door unless you wanted to count the fireplace, but Hogwarts had been cut out of the floo-powder system. After an hour or so, the two of them left leaving the room unchanged and returning the door and some of the spells to their respective places.

Late that night, I found Harry sitting in the kitchen reading a book and drinking a cup of tea. I joined him and asked were he had been. He looked quietly at me over the top of the book for a long time before answering 'Home'.

Of course I wanted to push the matter and tell him that I knew for fact that he had not been in his room, but that would only give my husband and his godfather away. So I remained silent, watching him. My eyes wandered over him resting again on the ring on his finger, which was now joined with the silver one I had seen years ago around his neck.

Sirius had told me on one occasion that the golden ring was the wedding ring of one of Harry's parents. It had been the only thing he had been able to recover from that terrible night that lay now almost thirty-seven years back. This, of course, had left me wondering, where the other ring was and whose was the silver one.

And that night again, sitting with Harry in the kitchen the questions returned to me. But before I could ask he locked his green eyes with mine again and I had the feeling that he was looking straight into my soul, seeing every singly secret I had there. It was as though I lay open as a book to him. He looked away after a while and exited the room leaving me motionless on my seat.

When people told me that Harry's eyes were like the green light of the Unforgivable spell I always laughed, but that night, I understood. He had let me see the calm storm that resided in them, a darkness and danger that was just waiting for a reason to out leash out. Coldness had been in them as never before, or maybe it had never been directed at me. When I was finally able to move, my body was trembling as thought it had been under some spell. I pushed myself unsteadily to my feet. His eyes had been a warning and I knew he knew we had trespassed on a forbidden part of his life when Ron and Sirius had dared to enter his room. His eyes had been a warning, a silent plea to let him be…

My attention is brought back to the present as my husband squeezes my hand painfully. I turn to him and he loosens his hold.

"You seemed lost." He whispers to my ear as he kisses my cheek. "It's late we should go rest for today and start looking tomorrow morning."

Sirius nods and he and Remus get up to leave for their room leaving Ron and me behind.

"So, were you thinking of Harry?" he asks.

I nod. "Was it so obvious?"

He smiles lovingly but does not answer. We retreat to our room as well and as I lay next to him my mind drifts off once again.

I think it was during my youngest son's third year when McGonagall called us together. Harry had been in his rooms locked for days and he didn't come out nor did he answer. We were starting to worry. But that day he came with us into the staff room. He was pale and looked, as though he hadn't slept for days. We were concerned and watched him from the corners of our eyes but he just let himself fall exhaustedly on the chair near the fireplace turning away from the rest of us. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. I had the urgent feeling to rise from my seat and take him in my arms. He looked utterly alone. But I remained were I was.

Minerva then told us in a few words that Severus had passed away a couple of days ago. And it was then that Harry broke into tears. He cried the way I have never seen him cry. It was as though his soul was trying to break free. It was an unrestrained scream for loss. And when I looked at Harry I cried, when I looked at the people who knew Severus I cried, but I think I cried the most because I had witnessed the loss of someone important to my closest friend and I could not help him with his pain. 

It was the next day that Harry disappeared without trace.


	2. Remus POV

Chapter 2: Remus' POV 

I look at the sleeping figure next to me. His features calm and yet I know that for many years now, he has done nothing but search for a lost part of his life. A part of his life that he lost sight and control of without realizing that he did. It slipped away so slowly that he didn't notice.

I don't think anyone realized Harry was drifting away from our reality until he suddenly vanished without notice… without trace.

As I pass my hand trough Sirius's hair I wonder if I should have told them what I had been seeing, the signs Harry had been giving us over the years. His plea for love and companionship, the urge for a family to bond to that we all had but which was denied to him. 

I can still remember the last time I saw him, broken in that chair in front of the fireplace. His world seemed to have suddenly crumbled around him and the air filled with his silent cry for help, which none of us could give him. And maybe it was that, which made him flee…

I cannot really say, over the last years we have all drawn our own conclusions on Harry's actions, maybe we have all come to the same results, but we don't dared to talk about it, afraid that we might do more harm than good. Words are power and power can be such a dangerous thing…

When I look back into the past, I think I lost track of his true self after Voldemort's first big attack during Harry's 5th year. He remained unusually calm about it, as though it didn't matter to him. He threw Sirius' warnings aside saying that he would face the Dark Lord when the time came and why should he bother annoying himself to death expecting a trap every step he took?

Careless… Yes, he had become careless, or at least that is what I thought then. But now, I don't think that was it. I believe he was sick of running, of being afraid, of being treated like a little porcelain doll on a silver tray. And it was back then, that I saw his interest wander to the people around him. Looking for someone… someone to hang on to and to protect and be protected…

And it wasn't Sirius. 

As much as he must have wanted to be thankful to his father's best friend, Harry must have known that it would not be enough on the long run. It was then that I saw the first signs of love lingering in his green eyes, brightening slowly. Of course, since Sirius and I were working for Dumbledore in secret I was not able to tell who that desire was directed to, but I was sure that if he had found the right person he would tell us, or at least his friends.

I was wrong…

I think it was during his vacations that same year that something wonderful must have happened to him. Sirius had told me that Harry would be staying at the Burrow with Ron's family, but when I met Ron after the summer break he asked me what we had done to Harry that he was beaming with joy, although he seemed to try to keep it at bay. This of course surprised us, but Hermione told us, that it didn't matter where Harry had been; the important thing was that he was back to his old self.

I think it was that same year that I asked him about his personal interest and he answered that he just was grateful to have another day to live. I was taken back by his reply, a child of his age shouldn't have to be afraid of dying, to have to be thankful for each day he survives and can scratch off his calendar. It pained me to see my friend's son this way. I wanted, as much as Sirius, for Harry to have a normal life, like any teenager, the way we had had. But destiny had other plans for him, and there was nothing any of us could do to change that.

Was it then, that I got a glimpse of the silver ring hanging on a chain around his neck for the first time?  I believe so, but I wasn't a year or so later that I saw it entwined with the one James had given Lilly on his finger. And it took me, god forgive me, another five or so until I found its match on the most unexpected places of all… Severus Snape's hand. 

Hmm… From that day on I tried to get a closer look at them, but to be true, there was not much that indicated that there was something between them…

I mean, as expected Severus accepted the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Surprisingly he continued teaching Potions as well; then again, I don't think anyone will ever be as good as him in that field. He worked himself sick and Harry… Yes, Harry had remained as teacher's assistant in school while his friends had gone off into the world to make their own lives.  The boy had stayed behind helping everyone, but mostly Snape. If I recall correctly, they even started to call each other by their first names…

I watch Sirius stir in his sleep and it brings me off my line of thoughts. I take a deep breath and murmur some soothing words into his ear to relieve him from whatever nightmares were going to plague him tonight… again, and as he calms down, my thoughts return to the past.

The Christmas after Harry's first assistance-year in Hogwarts he left for the holidays and did not return until the first day of school. As a matter of fact Snape had left too, but I thought it was because of Voldemort's annoying little war game, which cost me many friends. Harry and Severus had returned the same day, the younger man looking rather exhausted. Come to think of it, Severus had smelled the way James had smelled when he was around Lily all day while she had been pregnant. It was an intoxicating smell of hormones and magic being born. The way Hermione smelled each time Ron made her pregnant, although not so strongly. But I didn't really register it since I spent most of my time traveling for Dumbledore, even after he offered for me to stay and help out at the school instead of spying. 

I'm a wolf, I like the pack, but freedom is also important to me. I need to move, to breath the air, and Hogwarts, although I have always seen it as my home, is a magical prison to protect those inside. 

So, of course by the time I returned after my mission almost a year later, the smell was gone, but replaced by that off a newborn child. And Harry smelled just the same, maybe more intensely, but I though that it might be due the fact that he was spending so much time helping Snape and also because Hermione's child had been born a little while back. 

God, Harry had set his mind to teach Potions, while the Potions Master would dedicate his teachings to DADA. It was obvious he had to spend time with the old git… old man… Really, Sirius rubbed off on me, I shouldn't refer to someone I learned to respect and be sort of friends with in that way. Especially, if he has already passed away…

But didn't McGonagall tell us years later about Snape's daughter? Could it have been that? Could Harry have been involved in all that somehow? I don't know… Harry retreated into his own universe that I don't know if I'm even right with my assumptions… 

I mean, during the war, there was no time to worry about him, really; we were all so caught up in battles and our self-preservation that his behavior became normal; his distance was nothing new then. So that even after Albus' death and Hogwarts' re-opening, everything seemed to be all right. Sirius and most people qualified Harry's attitude as a normal side-effect of being forced to grow up too fast. An after-effect of the war, as Minerva so nicely put it.

During the years after, he slowly opened up to us again, spending time with his friends, his godfather and me. But at the end off the day he would always retreat to his rooms. I don't think anyone ever entered them. He had made it quite clear to us that he didn't want to be disturbed there. That those walls were a sanctuary to his mind and no one was to trespass it. 

Funny, though, when I recall now the many times he spend with me while he and Severus took notes on the improvements of the Wolfsbane potion they smelled like each other. Then again, that all might have been coincidence. They were colleagues after all, and both Potion teachers. Why should they not smell alike?

I roll to the side putting an arm around Sirius and resting my head on his shoulder, hoping to find sleep soon. But I know that is just wishful thinking, the moon is almost full and distracting me.

Bringing my mind back to my previous thoughts I recall the day Severus left the school and Harry rushed after him. The next day, Harry was awfully tense and in a bad mood that continued for days. The students were starting to say that the curse that had lurked in the DADA position, not allowing a teacher to remain too long there, had drifted off to the Potions'. That Snape had cursed both, the Defense's position for his own personal wish and the Potions' out of old grudge against the Potter's. And true, Harry's mood was no better than Severus' would have been back in his school days and the students learned, after loosing almost 350 house points total in a week, that the Hero of the wizarding world should better not be messed with. But as those weeks flew by, just as time does, almost everything returned to normal. Except, Harry did not leave his room if not to give classes or attend a staff meeting.

It was a few years later that we took notice of Severus again and only to be told that he had passed away and to take with him the Boy-who-Lived into the darkness. Not to return to us again…

But eventually secrets have the tendency to seep out. And so it became a matter of time before we could get information on Harry's whereabouts. I know that we looked for him for years, but how could I explain to Sirius that if someone didn't want to be found he would most likely succeed, especially if he was as powerful as Harry? He didn't give up on looking for his godson, and I had to witness him break apart slowly. Blaming himself for not being able to steady the other man, to aid him when he had needed him the most. But I think, it was more the guilt towards James that made him determined to continue the search. And his oh-so-stupid-stubbornness, that almost cost him his health, rewarded him with information. 

Someone had seen a man resembling Harry's description and that is why we are all here in this miserable place in the middle of nowhere now. The reason for which I accompanied them, and I guess, the last bit of hope that has remained in us to ever see him again.

I put my hands behind my head as I take a look at the night sky trough the window. It's snowing. Tomorrow will be a cold day. Let's just have faith that it will allow us one bright light to take into the future, to show us the path ahead…

To show Sirius that there is still hope… otherwise… It might destroy him…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So what do you guys think? Should I keep writing on this or just give up… *sighs* I have an outline of the next chapter, but I'm not sure whether to continue…

I would like to hear what you guys think…

Shayla


	3. Author's note

Hi, there, 

Sorry, if you thought I was giving you chapter 3, it isn't finished yet, but hopefully it will be ready with chapter 4 by Monday to post…  I want to thank everyone for encouraging me to not give up this story. Therefore I will try my best and hopefully fulfill your expectations.

Also I decided to post this to answer some reviews I got and to explain why I hadn't replied sooner. My computer decided that it was time to play April's Fool on me. I though I had lost all my fanfics. I almost died!!

Adding to this, I have been having trouble getting into fiction net, but I saw that was due some trouble they have with the server…

Oh well…

So here to answer some questions: 

Yes, there will be some Harry POV later, I have it planned for chapter 5, since Chapter 3 will be Ron's and chapter 4 is already written as Harry's and Sev's daughter's POV. But that may change, if I manage to write some convincing Sirius POV.

Mikee asked if Severus really was going to be dead. I believe it hard to change, I don't see Sev returning from the dead for… for about 98%… Whatever you make out of this…

Anyway, next Chapter will be Ron coming across Melphina and… *smiles* really, did you think I was going to tell you?

Shayla, Black Sheep ^_^


	4. Ron POV

A/N: So, here I present you chapter three a bit later than I had promised, but I seemed unable to upload on fiction net any documents. I don't know why. Anyway I hope you like this chapter. Personally I wasn't completely satisfied. For once, I can't write a good Ron POV, and second, I simply am not convinced it is as good as the first two chapters. I seem to be unable to get into writing any angst… *sighs* But Katy said it was well written, so I hope you're happy with how it turned out. 

Also, I completely rewrote chapter 4, although it was ready, because I ended up writing chapter 3 differently from what I had originally planned… So it will take me a little longer to get that one ready… 

Before I forget, thanks to Katy for fixing my mistakes. ^^. 

Chapter 3: Ron's POV 

Many years have passed since I last saw Harry. Too many if you ask me. I have lost my best friend to time. We started to drift apart, our trio. He became closer to himself, he wanted to be left alone and…I can't even say when it started!! This is what makes me truly furious! I can't even remember something important as that… I must have been a horrible friend, if he couldn't confine in me…

The wind blows strongly through the streets, whirling up the snow against my face, the cold brushing me brusque as though trying to push me away, insisting I leave. The same way Harry had always tried to make me leave whenever I tried to force him to open up to me. To trust me enough again… But I know that what happened between us can never be forgotten and I dare not confess that it might have been my fault that the others are suffering for my stupidity, for his disappearance. I am still trying to convince myself that it might not have been me who was the cause, but only the one who pushed him over the edge at the end.

I have not even told Hermione. 

I keep this secret hidden in my most feared memories, because it pains me horribly every time I remember. I don't think I can ever tell anyone, especially my wife, of the terrible things I said to the person I was supposedly best friends with. I know I hurt him deeply. It irritates me that I did not think back then that my words would harm him… Would make him turn away. Damn it! I don't know how often in the past I have though about that day I met him when he came trembling out of the staff room on his way back to his rooms. That fateful day Snape had died. 

A few weeks earlier Harry and I had had a big fight. I was enraged with him, I hated the fact that he was wallowing in self-pity. I mean, since the end of the war, something had changed in him, I knew it better than Hermione, knew it for fact better than anyone else. Something happened to Harry during the last battle and it followed him even afterwards. I could see it in his face. He and I had shared rooms for so long, that I could read his features even if he tried hard to deceive us. For many years I watched him change from the joyful child he was at eleven to become the distant and somehow cold man. I was so sick of it, of his attitude. It was his way of dream-walking through life as though nothing really matter anymore. And it angered me that the others were not willing to change it. They were letting him get away with it. And so I told him… I screamed at him furiously. I behaved like a child who had been denied his wishes. Like a spoiled brat. And he told me so. In a deliberately cutting and sarcastic manner that just boiled my temper up more. I don't want to recall the words I used, I don't want to bring back the memories of his hurt eyes. But most of all I don't want to see the suffering in my mind that he showed me when I joked about Snape's death. 

I shake my head, bringing my thoughts to the present, and pass a hand trough my hair as I walk into the bookstore for information on my lost friend.  I slid through the shop's shelves aimlessly, here and there my eyes wandering over a familiar title, forcing myself to forget the past. I have more important things to do right now. I assured Hermione I would do my best to find a clue on Harry since she remained behind with Remus. It seems to me that Remus didn't get much sleep last night, but that is usually the case when the Full Moon is approaching.

I let my gaze go up taking a step back to have a better view on the selection on the shelves as I stumble over someone. I hear books hitting the ground behind me and I spin around alarmed. A woman kneels on the ground, books laying open around her. I apologize and help her back to her feet.

"Thank you." She says as she leans down to pick the books from the ground.

Apologizing again for my behavior I help her gather her things together and carry it on to the counter. We put the books on the table and she smiled charmingly at me. I freeze staring at her, but she seems oblivious to this as her attention focuses on the books. I watch her absently pass a hand through her shoulder-length black hair and move it behind her ear and the frame of her glasses, but it refuses to stay there. It gives her a wilder appearance than what I am used to seeing.

After a while she must have noticed that I had not moved because she turns back to me. She blinks, surprised with her green eyes narrowed slightly, her expression unreadable now.

"May I help you?" she asks, but I cannot bring myself to give a reasonable let alone comprehensible reply. Moments later I realize that I'm gaping. It takes me a while to analyze why and then it hits me like the power of lightning striking down a tree. It is the unbelievable resemblance with Harry that I had the impression of recognizing for a few seconds, which is still dazzling my thoughts.

She quirks an eyebrow up at me as she crosses her arms looking rather annoyed. A shudder runs down my spin. I think I'm seeing a ghost or I'm turning lunatic now. How can someone be this similar with Harry and yet invoke creepy school memories of my Potion Master in me? 

"Well?" she insists with a scowl on her face.

Somehow I find myself stumbling back in shook against a desk, my hand moving to my mouth. I think I might scream otherwise. I might swoon, or worse yet, die right here without Hermione nearby to revive me again with a spell or something alike. The thought crosses my mind that maybe the stress from work is finally catching up on me and I'm having hallucinations. Or maybe I did die and a mixture of my worst nightmare and best friend is my doomed hell-dimension.

Horrified and unable to order my body to move I gaze as she approaches me, now with a concerned expression marking her features.

"Are you alright, sir?"

I shake my head. I take a deep breath as my lungs complain noticing me that I still need to breath to function. My breathing starts to come in short and quick draughts. Maybe I'm hyperventilating…I can't say for sure at the moment, my brain is about to shut off…

I awake to a gentle touch on my cheek. A hand caressing me, and I know for sure that it is Hermione. Slowly opening my eyes I focus on her warm and loving face.

"How are you feeling, love?" she asks as I see Remus approaching from behind her.

Carefully I try to sit up with her help recalling vaguely the events in the bookstore. I smile encouragingly at my wife to assure her that I am indeed fine, although my subconscious is trying very hard to remind me otherwise. I feel dizzy and nauseated for whatever reasons.

"You collapsed in the bookstore. The owner was nice enough to bring you back here. She told me you suddenly passed out and were very pale as though you had seen some monster." Hermione gazes at me curiously. Sometimes it is just annoying how your wife can read you. But I won't tell her right now what happened, I'm not ready yet. And I believe she understands it for she continues speaking. "She was downstairs waiting to hear if you need a medic. But I told her I could handle it." She turns to Remus who has been straggly quiet since I have awoken. "Also she left a note for you…"

Remus comes towards me sitting down at the end of the bed handing me a small white envelop with a seal of a snake on it. "Here."

My heart starts beating widely in my chest instinctively sensing that this holds the answer to our quest and questions. With sweaty fingers I rip the edge and take a folded piece of paper out. Feeling my blood rushing madly through my veins I take a deep breath opening it to read.

Dear Mr. Weasley,

I hadn't expected to ever meet you, but since you have come this far I believe I shall award you and your companions with a little information. I know why you are here. I have known since you first stepped foot in our small town. Words spread quickly especially if you're looking for Harry Potter. I can assure you that no one in this town will give you an answer to his whereabouts. They all respect him too much to betray his pleading to not let the world know he is here. By now you must wonder why I would go against his wishes. All I can tell you is that I believe that he needs to see his friends and family again, even if you are part of what causes him pain. Please come to the address I have left at the reception desk if you wish to know more.

Sincerely,

M. Snape


	5. Melphina POV

A/N: I am a very nice person as you can see; I sat down today and wrote this. I hope you'll like it. I certainly find it better than chapter 3. 

Chapter four was inspired after reading over two Japanese novels (I can't make the authors' names out nor the complete title of their work). I didn't understand everything written either; I still have difficulties with a lot of Kanji and other stuff. But the general message got through and I was deeply impressed by it. Hopefully I will be able to add their names here in a short time when my Japanese knowledge expands.

Thanks to Katy for fixing my mistakes ^^. I'm eternally grateful!

Enjoy! ^_^

Chapter 4: Melphina's POV 

I shudder as I step out of the inn into the cold outside. The snow moving with the breeze against my face and I rub my hands against one another to warm them up before putting them into the comfort of my jacket's pockets. I sneeze as the snow tickles my nose and I decide to make my way back to the store, where my son is probably already waiting for me with the car ready to take me home. 

On my way I wonder if I did right leaving the note with my address. I know father choose long ago to not to see his friends and family, which connected him to the wizarding world again and I have always respected the path he took. Yet today, when I stumbled against Ronald Weasley, I couldn't help but feel that I owed them and my father to let them meet. Maybe it was selfish of me to act without considering what my Papa has to say to this, then again Dad used to say that I was blinded sometimes by the steer Potter-stupidity and tended to get into trouble while others thoughts things carefully through. 

A few people greet me as I pass them telling me about the strangers who are asking about my father. Assuring them I would take care of them I continue already seeing the tall form of James, smoking as he leans on his car. I sigh; he has that terrible habit from his father. He used to smoke whenever he could sense that I was having a hard day. He did it only to distract me from my thoughts, knowing that I would rather argue about his health and those poisoned fuming things than brood over my problems. I miss him… I miss him as much as I miss my Dad.

It pains me to remember the day Dad and I came home with the twins while Papa was off at Hogwarts working and we found him dead in the backyard.  Remaining Death Eaters had attacked him as a reminder that the Dark was still lurking and only waiting to rise again until their powers would become strong enough to revenge their Lord. Dad had pushed me away and send me to my rooms with the twins. I don't know what he did but when Dad came home that night I could sense something terrible within him and I knew that he had sought those murderers out and killed them. I didn't hate him for that. But for a long time I could not come close to him either, afraid of the darkness I sensed in and around him. Papa was the one who helped us get along again. It was a hard time for all of us. James and Lily were barely eight month old and already fatherless and I was breaking with the loss of my husband. But I knew I had to go on, if only for my children's sake. Dad became my anchor in those dark days, he was my support and Papa my councilor, the friend I needed. 

And then history repeated itself and the man who had become my emotional support was once again taken from me. And this time there was no one to force me back to my feet and steady me, this time I had to take the role of the strong one… for Papa… 

"Hey, Mom!" James throws the cigarette to the ground and steps on it extinguishing it in the snow. "Where were you? I though we had agreed to meet here." He leans his head slightly to the side the way Dad used to do it when he was concentrated brewing a Potion. My children have so little of their father and so much of their grandparents it makes me sad. It shouldn't be that way.

"I had a few things to do."

He quirks an eyebrow up at me. I hate it. Dad did it every time I lied to him. It is terribly unnerving.

James watches me carefully for a few moments before shrugging and opening the car's door for me. "Com'on. Let's go. Lily is probably already angry because I left her to do the chores." He smiles amused and closes the door walking around the car and taking the driver's seat.

"You didn't really leave her the chores, did you?" I ask imitating one of Dad's feared expressions, but they don't work as well on my children as it probably did on his students.

"Grandpa and Sev are there to help her." He answers turning the motor on. "Besides, I had to go back to Humstall to get some papers I had forgotten and I need to grade them over the holidays."

I sigh and say no more. This is one of the few things he resembles his father most. Work first, family second. No wonder he is still not married while his sister is already expecting her second child. But I am proud of him anyway. Not only because he is my son, but also because he had the courage to get into his Granddad's footsteps in becoming Potions teacher at my old Witchcraft and Wizard school. 

Unlike my fathers, my children and I did not go to Hogwarts but to a smaller Magical School near Godric's Hollow where Papa's parents used to live and he defeated Voldemort the first time. There aren't as many students there, but it is a lovely and warm place and James loves to teach there as much as Dad did. Probably more than he used to like it at Hogwarts since he didn't have anyone arguing with him all the time and there aren't any House grudges because there is only one class for each year.

James turns the radio on. "Is it true what I heard?"

I sigh mentally, but remain to the outside calm. "It depends on what you mean."

"The old lady from the bakery told me that there were suspicious people wandering around asking for Grandpa…"

There is no use trying to deny it. I know he worries that it might turn into something familiar to his father's death, just for that reason I have to tell him the truth… "They are some old friends of your grandpa… Some old school friends." I don't know how to explain this to him, the situation that caused this break between Papa's past and his present family life. James seems to sense it because he turns the radio louder and continues to drive on not pushing me to explain further.

I lean my head against the cold window feeling the rattling of the car's movements against my face as I close my eyes. I remember the time I consciously thought for the first time about my parents and the differences between me and the other children. I must have been about seven back then.

My earliest impression on Severus Snape was that he had an aura of elegance as well as authority. It somehow made him seem unapproachable. I recall him to appear to be the strong father figure. Compared to him, I remember Harry Potter as the perfect big brother type. Papa has a pleasant voice and an air of familiarity as well as the most charming smile. That is what Dad called it. It always made Papa laugh.

I always wondered why I didn't have a mother like other children but I dismissed that thought quickly every time. One of the most unforgettable things about my parents was the power and warmth by which they took me in their arms and their hands touched me gently and lovingly. Dad picked me up in his arms and held me protectively to him as he said: "Harry, she has the same green eyes as you." And Papa smiled lovingly at us and kissed my cheek whispering that they would always love me. But I always had my doubts, not because I sensed they didn't care, but because of what my mind had been born with. My parent's memories.

I used to be a child who easily lost her temper. But that fury was more fear than anger and it was hard to calm me again. During the final battle with Voldemort, he did something to my parents that caused that I was born with some of their memories. It is awful. I can recall moments of my Papa's life in which he is enclosed in a dark and small room. How people treated him badly and how his friends in school betrayed him. I could sometimes recall Dad's live as a Death Eater, when Voldemort punished him, when he watched other's hurt people, but also when he did it himself. I feared all those memories and that they could happen to me to.  For that reason I didn't have patience and I tended to be irritable and exploded easily. Yet Dad and Papa always held me.

I cried a lot when I was a child. And I wondered often if my parents hated me, the way the Dursley's hated Papa, but he or Dad would come to me assure me that they both loved me more than anything.

Papa was the best. I couldn't imagine anyone more gentle and lovingly than him. By the way I called Harry "Papa" and Sev "Dad". It just happened without anyone telling me. I though there was no one who had a better sense of humor than Dad nor be any cooler. Dad would always tell me stories, but once he started he would add here and there something to mark the story with his peculiar sense of humor.

"When I'm all grown up, Dad, I want to marry someone just like you!" I would say.

"Well, then you have very hard task before you. Man like me don't' drop out of the sky just like that." This was one of our special jokes.

I smile at those memories. I certainly was a troublesome kid, more than any of my parents. Although Dad said that there couldn't be a worse nightmare for a teacher than a Potter plus an Invisibility Cloak. Needless to say that when Papa heard that he handed me his cloak with a smile making me promise I wouldn't tell Dad. He found out anyway, I was scared he would scold me, instead he joked that at least it wasn't him anymore who would be driven nuts with it.

Whenever I had trouble at school Dad and Papa would always come together. I was always afraid that if I didn't behave they would reject me. I think this was due to Papa's memories within me. Sometimes I remembered events when his friends left him aside or his family threatened him badly. I didn't want to be sent away. I was mostly afraid that I would be left alone.

But Dad would always smile lovingly at me after scolding my teachers for the inability to handle a child. "Let's go home, Mel." He would say and in those moments, when I ran crying into their protective embrace I wanted to scream to the world. Look! Look here! Look everybody! Aren't they the best?

I felt like a princess between them, I could never get enough of seeing them together. And I thought: one day I want to be with my husband just like this.

I open my eyes seeing that we are about to arrive.

I always found it funny that even though Dad appeared the be the strong authority figure he rather liked to live into the day and say things like: everything will be okay, while Papa was more the organized type and wanted me to plan my future from early on. 

We used to be so happy… And we still are, but nowadays things are no longer the same. 

James stops the car in front of the house and we quickly make our way inside into the warmth. James helps me take off my jacket and announces loudly that we are back. I hear a happy cry from the kitchen and then small footsteps running our way. 

"Grandma!!" my grandson calls me smiling from ear to ear. I pick him up in my arms and give him a kiss as I see my daughter standing in the doorway shaking her head, amused, and greeting her brother who helps her back into the kitchen. She's already in her last month, soon our family will have a new member. 

"Grandma! I beat Grandpa Harry in chess!! Really!!" he says as I let him down again.

"Congratulations. And you didn't cheat?" 

He shakes his head grinning. "No way!" 

"He won fair and square." I look up at my father standing in his wizard's robes in the corridor. "But I won't let you beat me next time, Sev."

The boy squeaks, amused, and runs to his great-grandpa who picks him up and tickles him. 

"Papa, you really shouldn't be picking him up. He's too old for that and so are you." I remind him.

He rolls his eyes at me. "Whatever." I watch them both leave into the living room, probably to play something. Father adores Sev. I think it might have to do with the fact that the boy is a copy of my Dad, but I would never say that in front of Papa out loud.

It is amazing how young father still looks at his age; he doesn't appear to be any older than me, but wizards tend to age differently. That is really weird. But most frightening is the resemblance of my grandson with Dad. It is unnerving as well as sometimes disturbing. James has often mentioned it to me. 

I go into the kitchen to prepare some snacks, remembering that we will probably have visit later on. I still don't know how to tell Papa. This is going to be one of those embarrassing moment I don't want to live through. Probably as embarrassing as the conversation with Dad about women's 'That time of the month', as he called it.

"Mel, here…" Dad had handed me a shopping bag.

I turned from my book perplexed at his disturbance; normally he never interfered with my studies. "What is that?"

I think this was one of the few times I actually saw his blush. "Your Papa asked me to buy them for you."

And most surely the only time I must have looked like a tomato.

"He made a really great effort. He went and bought all medical books on this subject." Dad had smiled amused. "You really should have seen him. He was really sweet. You might want to go buy a bra with him."

That comment made me blush even harder if that had been possible. "I could have done that myself." I took the bag. "I can't believe you two went and bought this!!"

I could easily believe the efforts they made for me to have the best and never to be at loss for anything. The things a girl normally learns from her mother… the things that a boy would be normally taught by his father…but when there is only one sex in a relationship, then the parents try to compensate the missing link. It was all right. Somehow every child can understand the feelings of their parents.

"Mama." I turn to Lily sitting in her rocking chair; she's working on some piece of embroidery for her new baby. "I was wondering if Grandpa would mind if we called the boy after him."

I smile. "I think your grandfather is going to drown us in tears of joy the moment you ask him." 

Her face lightens before she continues to finish her embroidery.

The wizarding world has always been much more open to same sex relation, unlike the muggles. Still it wasn't easy for me to be the daughter of two men, less the daughter of Harry Potter and Severus Snape. Everyone at our school was bound to secrecy about my heritage and they all respected it. But I recall a time when a boy came to me and asked: "Don't you miss a female figure in your family?"

"You should really learn not to ask questions that waste my time! My parents never had the chance to have a normal childhood! They do everything in their power to give me the best they have and make me feel special. Do you think it unfair that while others have mothers I don't? Out there in the real world there are children who aren't even half as lucky as I am to have two parents to love them. I find it an injustice to judge me by your low view on the world. God brought us together and if you cannot see it from this view, than you don't deserve to be called human at all. Maybe you should ask if you can be turned into a low live existence."

The cutting irony I had defiantly from my Dad.

When I was 27, in spring, a great tragedy fell over my family. Dad became very sick. He had an unknown illness, a remaining effect from his war days.  When he noticed that he was coming to his ends he asked for Papa to stay with him. Papa took selflessly and lovingly care of him. And Dad found peace in Papa's presence. Papa would sit by his bed singing and talking, all the while their hands joined in one another's. It was like redemption for Dad.

Eventually Dad fell into restful sleep to never again open his dark and beautiful eye to look at us.

I never saw Papa cry more than that fateful day. It was the only time in which he let all his pain unrestrained out of him. I cried with him, I would never forget the soft smiles my Dad gave me when he kissed me goodnight. The jokes we made when it came to Papa… all the wonderful times we had together. And when I recalled all this I wept even more.

Only Papa and I remained living in that house. It may sound wonderful to you, but we had our hard times and differences.

"Why can't you leave me be?" he often snapped at me this question, but I never answered, I know the loss he felt and I had to be strong for all of us.

On his right hand the entwined rings remained. He never took it off; it was a proof to the only real love of his life.

One day I asked him how he and Dad got together and he answered with a sad yet somehow amused smile. "Your Dad said to me: "Potter, you're a selfish little brat who thinks he can get everything he wants by just looking at it." And I answered snapping at him annoyed. "If it where the case I could have you right here and now!" Your Dad raised an eyebrow at me; it unnerved me. "Potter, I'm not a one-night stand." Than he handed me a diary with sliver words engraved on the top. I think I feel in love with him after that. It must have been destiny…" Papa never explained more to this and I knew from Dad that this was a subject Papa was afraid to talk about. He feared his words might undo and take everything he had.

Nowadays, Papa doesn't talk very much. He sits often outside at the veranda or in the winter garden starring off into the sky unless Sev is around to spend time with. Once he said to me: "I seems to me as though I lived almost as long without your father as I have lived with him." The confession made me shudder.

"Grandma, you think Grandpa is happy about my getting a little brother?" Sev asked as he storms into the room.

I turn to my grandson. "Sev, your Grandpa is thrilled with the idea!" I laugh. "Where is he anyway?"

"He went to the winter garden to read." Sev answers as he points towards the glass door of the kitchen that leads to it. And indeed I can see father sitting in his rocking chair, his diary open in his lap.

 "Why don't you tell him to come here and eat with us?" I ask, and freeze suddenly at what I see.

Sev runs towards Papa and stands next to him, laying his small hand on his. "Grandpa! Grandpa! Wake up… Grandpa?"

I feel tears well up in my eyes and I reach with my hands to my mouth starring unbelievingly at the image before me.

Coal black eyes look lovingly at me than at my children, then at Sev next to Papa and finally those eyes turn to the person I know they long to see. I see him speak but cannot hear his words. I cry as I see Dad extend his hand and Papa reaching up to him letting his husband pull him up. They look the same way I have seen them in the picture after Papa's graduation. I bite down on my lower lip seeing the image vanish again…

Harry Potter Snape died at the age of 71. He had peacefully fallen asleep.

_"Potter, I'm not a one-night stand." I think I feel in love with him after that. It must have been destiny…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So next chapter will be either Harry or Sirius POV, I haven't decided on that… Maybe Sirius and leave it as epilogue… or Harry… or… argh!! I can't decide!!

*sighs heavily*

Anyway, did you like it? Please review!

Shayla


	6. AN

Hello everyone,

First, I'm sorry to tell you that the next chapter is taking me longer than I thought. For A.) my sister asked me to help her with her fanfics and B.) I've to study, classes start again next week and I've been awfully lazy during the holidays. Also I needed to dedicate some time to some of my other fics that aren't posted here, which are quite a few. Let's forget that now...

I'm really happy about all the reviews I got and I can't thank you enough for giving me enough confidence not to drop this fic in the first place. I don't think I would have continued, if it weren't for all you who told me not to be a sadistic woman and to go on ^_^. Thanks.

Okay, well, I decided that next chapter will be from Harry's POV and the epilogue I leave open for Sirius. Yeah, I finally made my mind after thinking it carefully through.^^

Oh, and before I forget. *hands out some Kleenex to everyone* I believe you need this guessing from your reviews. I seemed to have caused various flooding and emotional outbreaks. It makes me kinda proud of my writing.

Lisa said that she didn't like the fact that Harry broke off with his friends, but to be true I thought about how people would feel when they see that they might endanger other they care for. They push them away in fear to hurt and be hurt. I imagined Harry in this fic as someone like that and also because it fitted nicely to my plot… 

Before I forget I updated the last chapter, after Katy was nice enough to correct some of my mistakes. Thanks Katy!!

And thanks also to all those who reviewed again:

Ms. Padfoot                 Katie                            LoMaRiBa                   

Mikee                          Schulyr                         Irish Angel

Katy999                       Grayswandir                 Jen

SandraD                       Kateri                           Heather

Athenakitty                   Chrisie                          J.Lynn

Ron's Fan                    Barbarataku                 Kalih

Phoenix                        Creamy Mimi               LeeLeePotter

Nephir                          ShadowWorld              Sarah Connor

Kerry                           Sevter                          DraconisSenshi

Izean                            Lisa                              Kayla

And anyone else I forgot. (sorry if I misspelled any names)

Shayla****


	7. Harry POV

AN: 

I'm terribly sorry that it took me this long to update, but I had some troubles with my computer and I almost lost all the information I had. -_- Thankfully a friend fixed it this week again and I can go back to work on my stories.

Okay, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to Lexi for checking over my mistakes ^^

Enjoy~

Chapter 5: Harry's POV 

It is a cold winter morning outside. The snow has covered the landscape around our house and I can still see it falling as I gaze outside through the kitchen window. I smile sadly. Winter and snow always make me feel nostalgic. It reminds me of many wonderful moments I shared with Severus. Then again, almost everything can remind me of him. Everything, especially this house and our family, all I hold dear. 

The house is usually noise at this early hour. My daughter Mel has her own bookstore in town and she's terribly busy now that Christmas time is coming closer. James, my grandson, already left a few minutes earlier since there were a few things he needed to pick up at Humstall, the school he teaches at. So I am left behind to keep an eye on Lily since she's pregnant and due to give birth anytime, and her first son… Severus… Named after the man who was so much more than just my husband, my friend and lover… He was a part of me.

I hold many memories of my life precious, but the ones I hold close to my heart are those that my soul aches for to have back: the moments with my husband. Severus and my life was special, we fought and had our differences, but I also knew I could count on him for whatever I needed. He was my strength and the reason I kept on living even when I had been totally broken. He came to me and picked up the shards that were left behind by Voldemort and so many others. He gathered those pieces carefully puzzling them back in order with all the love he had and I did the same for him. 

The story of our life is long and it certainly wasn't easy. We had many obstacles to overcome. Voldemort had cursed us both when he found out about us. We had been so careful to keep it secret, I didn't dare confine in anyone, not even in my own family. And yet, somehow he found out and in the final battled he send all his hate and anger towards us. We never knew for sure what the old bastard had done, but we came soon to learn that if we would tell others who cared about us, that we were happily together, the curse would kill those we cherished before our eyes. 

But what pained us most was that the curse continued on in our daughter, giving her part of our memories. She became a child trapped in thoughts that were not her own and we had to watch as it tore through her consciousness, scaring her away. It took much strength and patience from the both of us to assure her that she was safe, that there would come no one to harm her. That we indeed loved her with all out hearts.

My great-grandson comes down the stairs looking sleepily and sits down at the table mumbling a good morning. I smile at him and hand him his cereal. I watch him yawn as he reaches out for the milk to pour it into the bowl. The boy is so much like Severus, and yet so different. By appearance they might as well have been twins and no one would have seen the difference, but my grandson lacks the inner aura of superiority and strength his great-grandfather radiated.

I settle in my chair across the table and my thoughts drift away to the past. 

During the course of fifth year I learned to respect Severus and eventually fall in love with him. He still treated me in public like the worst thing that had ever dared to cross his path, but I was aware that this was due more to Voldemort's rising than because he wanted to. 

That year, the Dark Lord had made his first official appearance and the Ministry found themselves forced, by the strength he had gathered, to let Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix take over the coordination of their defenses. I was sick of running and hiding from Voldemort. I was tired of being played with like a puppet, not only by the people who wanted me dead but also those who tried to protect me. I had lost my will to continue after the Tri-Wizard's Tournament and I didn't want anyone to come close to me. I feared they might hurt me and that being my friends might cause them to lose their lives as Cedric had. No one could make me come out of those walls I started to build around me and I thought that I had finally reached my peace when Severus grabbed me one night in my wanderings through the halls. He dragged me, while I kicked and screamed, into an empty room throwing me against a wall in fury. 

I was completely startled by his sudden display of anger. His normally cold eyes were burning with a blazing fire that I felt something I had believed lost to me. Fear.

He had me pinned with his hands on my shoulders against the castle's stone wall, his face barely an inch away from mine and I remember clearly that I truly was scared of him. I thought that he was finally going to get rid of me as others had so often accused him of wanting. I couldn't move, neither could I speak, the only thing that I can actually remember was that I stared at those coal black eyes that seemed to be flaring in blazing emotions I had never seen in them. 

"You stupid little brat!" he hissed at me. His voice causing chills all over me, I wanted to hide somewhere from him, where he would never find me. "You think this is all a game?! Everybody risking their lives for you so that you can simply shrug their hard work away and play your insufferable almighty self?!" If anything he came closer and I tried without success to flee his grip, his hands had me trapped painfully. 

"Professor you're hurting me," I whined, scared, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

He didn't seem to have heard me, his eyes glared still at me. For a while neither of us moved, but finally he let go of me and I slid stumbling into tears to the ground, unable to control myself any longer.

"Have you any idea what we all risk for you?" his voice was no longer harsh; it was sad. "Don't you even consider what others feel?" I barely heard this sentence, but it stopped my sobbing sounds and I glanced up at him, his face hidden in the shadows of his long hair; the only movement I saw was the trembling of his clenched fist. Wiping the tears off my face I didn't know what to say. We remained looking at one another for a while before he turned away from me heading to the door.

"I'm scared." I called after him. I don't know why I said those words, only that they were the truth residing within me, a truth that could not be replaced by any other words.

And he turned back to me opening the door. "Aren't we all?" he asked softly and left me alone.

After that night I began to wonder about his words, they wouldn't leave me, plaguing my every waking hour and at night, the darkness would creep into my dreams. I started to become nervous and I tended to become easily annoyed and angry. The lack of sleep was affecting my actions and I even ended up collapsing in class. Madam Pomfrey was forced to give me one of her strongest Dreamless Sleep Potions and I recall vaguely being drugged for various days into unconsciousness. Yet, that didn't help. At night the dreams would return, not as intense, but still strong enough to cause me to wake up screaming in my bed. There was always someone sitting by the bed at night. During the day I was sure that it was always Sirius but at night, I couldn't tell. The scent of grass and nature that I recognized at that of my godfather was not the same to the one who held me in his arms rocking me back and forth when I awoke disorientated and afraid of the nightmares. The smell was different; it was a mixture of various herbs. Back then I was simply too much drugged by the draught Madam Pomfrey had sedated me with to realize who it was that came every night to watch over me when I was alone.

And then I realized that I was never truly alone. That whenever I thought that there was no one Severus was always around somewhere watching me and letting me know that I could count on him. And so when I was released I started to use him as my pillar. We started just talking at first and before I knew it I had completely fallen in love with him. During those days I still kept close to myself not daring to open up too much, but I had no secrets anymore to Sev, only the one of my feelings for him. 

I smile as my great-grandson finished his breakfast.

"Hey, grandpa, are we going to buy mama's present today?" he asks, his black eyes looking curiously at me. The childish innocence that I'm still after all this years not used to see in them. I always expect my husband's eyes…

"Of course." I say reaching out for his plate to clean. "Just get dressed and I'll tell your mom we will be back in no time. If you're back than less than five minutes I even buy you one of the new flying brooms we saw for Christmas."

He grins and jumps to his feet. "I'll be right back!" he says while running back upstairs.

"You do spoil him grandpa." Lily comes through the door of the hallway smiling sheepishly at me. "I though we had agreed not to do that?"

I shrug. "That's what parents are for. That is your job." I say as she comes and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Grandparents are there to spoil children." I grin. "I don't remember you complaining when your grandfather spoiled you and your brother rotten."

She waves dismissively at me. "That is something else."

"Is it?" I raise an eyebrow amused.

She rolls her eyes smiling. "Don't buy anything too expensive!" she tells me pointing with her finger at me. "You hear me."

I raise my hands in defense. "When would I ever do that?"

She narrows her eyes. "When you came back home last week with a new tool kit for both your broom collections you have downstairs. "

"That was last week?" I give her my most innocent face, the one that always irritated her grandfather, and I know her too because she just sighs passing a hand over her belly.

We hear the sound of small footsteps coming down the stairs and Sev appears wearing a long cloak around him and a dark green cap to protect his ears from the cold winds outside. I feel a pain in my chest, remembering when I had last seen my husband dressed very similar. It must have shown in my face, because Lily comes and rest a hands on my shoulder with concerned eyes, but I shake my head and walk over to the little man picking him up and sitting him on my shoulders gaining a joyful squeak of him.

And so we leave the house and I Apparate us both to the outside of our small town since our house stand on a hill farther outside surrounded by trees to protect it from unwanted sight.

Small hands lay in mine as Sev starts to talk to me about his upcoming entrance to school; he's very exited about it. I listen vaguely to his words as I watch the snow fall upon us. 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about Severus and the past. Almost as if to recall my most precious memories again to remind me that I did find happiness in life.

I make our way through the main street, greeting the people who know me. Actually everyone knows my family and me. Severus told me once that it was necessary to trust these people enough that when the time would come they would protect us from unwanted visitors. And so we helped everywhere we could. They figured out we were not normal and shortly after they even knew we were wizards. But they respected our wish to not get it spread around in public.

Sev tells me to stop at the toy store and I let him down following him inside. The store is not very big, but most children come here because they are allowed to play with the things in the store. So this place is usually very crowded. A woman greets me, I think she's a friend of James, but I can't tell for sure.

We start talking while I remain watching Sev play with the other children. She tells me about her upcoming marriage and invites us to come over. I smile, congratulating her and then I remember who she is. She's one of James older girlfriends, no wonder she seemed familiar.

I retreat behind the counter and enter the back of the store where I'm always greeted with a hot coffee and some biscuits. It's amusing that I'm always greeted with a warm welcome wherever I enter in this town. Maybe that is the reason I stayed here even after there was nothing else keeping me after Severus's death.

The storeowner tells me to wait here if I find it too loud in the store and I nod thankfully watching him return to the counter. 

I turn to look again out of the window; it seems to me that the snowfall has gotten stronger. My thoughts drift away again and I find myself recalling another fond moment of my life.

I recall our first kiss. It was at Hogwarts, it had been after he had returned from a long trip to do Voldemort's will. I was outside sitting by the lake where I knew he would eventually find me if he needed to talk about what had happened. I never pushed my presence upon him when he returned, knowing that it might do more harm than good, since he was usually not in a very pleased mood. And so I had taken the tendency to meet him here if he needed my support. Even though, I have to admit, it was painful not to run to him and let him feel how relieved I was for his safe return.

It was already dark outside and the sky was dark as well, no single star could be seen, for that it was too cloudy. I sat there on my father's cloak hoping that he would find his way to me out here as he had so often in the past. I needed him more than I probably should, and yet, I still had not told him such.

I put my arms around my legs, glancing over the calm surface, knowing the dangers lying underneath it. I feel something wet land on my hand and I look up to the night sky. Soon the rain would come pouring out, but I would still remain here, waiting.

The amount of drops increased and my hair was already hanging wet down my face. I stood up and picked up my father's clack into my hands and walked over to one of the trees searching for some cover against the rain. And I still waited. An hour or so the rain continued, I felt my body trembling from the cold and I was very tempted to use the cloak to cover me, but then, Severus might not see me when he would come. I sighed and closed my eyes trying to control the cold that I felt by concentrating on warm things like the sun, the beach and a hot tub.

Suddenly I felt myself pulled forward and I'm pressed against a strong chest. I look startled up and meet his barely visible dark eyes.

"Insolent child," he said as he wipes with his hands some of the water of my face. "You're going to catch your death out here."

I can't help but smile and I stand up on tiptoe and greet him with a kiss on the cheek, which he returned. We have taken to this unusual habit, after I had picked it up during some holidays in Spain. He pulls his cloak over me and I snuggle up to the warmth.

I never asked about his missions, I respected his doings as long as he came back to me. I had become depended on his presence and whenever he left I felt that he took a part of me with him. I don't know if he felts the same, but I didn't need to either. I just need him…

We truly were strange, although we might as well have returned to the castle we remained there standing in the rain like some fools, but I cherished the moment anyway. 

Finally he spoke. "We should return…" and I nodded.

We walked next to one another back and we stopped at the door to say goodbye. My glasses were fogged by the weather and I was already dripping wet. I took them off and cleaned them before putting them back on, but to not much help. I sigh and leaned forward to kiss him goodbye. And to my surprise I met his lips. I flinched startled back and blushed. 

"I'm sorry I didn't see you. " I stammered not lying. I blinked as I realized he said the same. 

I whipped my glasses with my fingers clean again and I could see through a blurry vision that his face was flushed as well. He opened the door as he saw me looking at him and said his goodnight retreating into the castle.

I don't know whether I grinned out of happiness or because I didn't know better, all I can recall is that I felt like walking back to the tree and let it happen again.

Getting Severus to trust me enough to let me come close to him had not been very easy, but I eventually succeeded. During the time between this moment under the rain and the one in which he caught me in the hallway, we both learned to believe in one another. It was awkward at first, we both were afraid of being hurt in some way. Severus, being a person who had often enough in the past been betrayed by his own beliefs, and I, by the people whom I trusted in moments in which I most needed their support. 

We sat in his office, he was giving me detention, but some time ago, it had turned into a talking session rather than a really academic instruction. 

I reached out to him with my hand, not sure why, but feeling inside that I wanted this contact. He twitched from my touch and I was unsure whether I had been to forward in this. Back then I didn't understand how much I had become attached to him and I certainly wasn't interested in pushing him away from me as I had my own family. I still don't understand my own actions after so many years.  It's not that I couldn't come up with reasons, but it has to do with the fact that I don't think that those were the reasons I would have considered at that age.

And so I reached out again for his hand, this time Severus let me, looking with confused emotions in his eyes at me. And I spoke: "You frightened away from the first contact, right?" I don't know if I meant him or me with this. "Are you afraid? Scared of human contact?" But I guess I spoke for both of us then. "If you do not know others, then you surely can never be betrayed and you will never be hurt. Yet you will also never forget the meaning of loneliness." These last words I spoke not looking at him because they were about myself. I wanted to let him know that he had given me much more than anyone else probably could with his care for me, that I really appreciated his effort and that he had made me forget the emptiness I had carried for the last years with me. He had made me somehow whole again. But it was still too early to say it in those words.

"Humans always feel pain in their hearts. That is also the reason why they find life hard…" I told him after a while that he had remained in silence holding on tightly to my hand.

And he replied with the voice I so loved. "You are fragile, like glass… especially your heart…"

"Me?" I didn't understand.

"You deserve kindness." He continued and caressed my cheek.

I locked my eyes with him leaning closer to him and wondering out loud: "Are you afraid?"

"I meant love…"

I'm brought back to the present as my grandson comes running in his face flushed and sweaty, he and the other kids must have been running around the store again.

"Grandpa, can we go to the bakery, I forgot that uncle James said to bring him some pretzels. You know not the salty ones but those with sugar and cinnamon."  He says catching his breath again.

I smile and stand up. "Well, if you're ready, we should be going anyway. We can't leave your mom alone for too long. We aren't sure when you're little brother is going to come. And it would be bad if no one was around, right?"

He beams at me stretching his arms out for me to carry him and I do so sitting him back on my shoulders.

The streets are full of people and I find it comforting. Sev pats my head pointing at the bookstore across the street as we continue our way. And I suddenly freeze seeing a red-haired man glancing at the display window. Impossible… It couldn't be… I take startled a step back and bounce into someone behind me. Whirling around I excuse myself and make my way away as quickly as possible shaking my head. No, it couldn't have been Ron… It simply couldn't be…

"Grandpa, are you alright?" Sev asks looking down at me and I nod. 

"I just thought that I saw someone I knew, but… I was mistaken…" Was I really?

He pats my head again. "Grandpa, we walked just past the bakery."

I glance back realizing he is right. I reach up and lower him to the ground. His dark eyes fix on me curiously and I push him on to go inside following him close behind. Once again I'm greeted warmly and I am asked to sit down and drink something with some of the costumers. I oblige after giving my order and having the boy who helps out handing me James' pretzels.

"Say, Master Snape, have you heard, there are some strange folks looking for you in town," says an older man who I remember to be one of the kid's schoolteachers.

I try hard not to blink. "Are there?"

"Yes, four strangers if I heard correctly from the Misses at the Inn," says another man; he owns the broom store that is to the public eye nothing more than a grocery store. His father was a wizard and he inherited it from him, and if I recall he went to school with my daughter… I can't tell for sure, lately I don't come often into town…

"A woman and three men," says the wife of the baker as she sets a few glasses of warm wine at our table. "One of them was here earlier, asking for Harry Potter," she looks at me. "It was a tall man with dark hair and very dark blue eyes. Of course I told them, there was no one named like that in town."

"Well, there isn't," they laugh and I join in. Yes, Harry Potter is a name I have long ago left aside, the moment Severus and I moved here.

I stand up. "I have still some things to do, if you would excuse me." I nod to them and call out for Sev who comes through the crowd towards me. I take his hand and we leave. My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest as I realize that I wasn't mistaken. The man I saw was Ron and the one who had been moments before here was probably Sirius and that meant that Hermione and most likely Remus were here too. 

"Hey, Sev, we have to hurry up because your grandpa just remembered something important he has to do at home." I lie; I just want to flee. I don't really want to see them. But that is a lie too. The pain and joy in my chest tells me this. 

"But grandpa!" he pouts, he likes being here. "Can't I at least go visit Sean, his mom has him helping out in the café."

I sigh, Sean was his best friend and since they had holidays they hadn't seen each other for a while. "Fine but not too long, okay."

He grins and runs through the mass of people in which I can barely follow. "Sev! Severus slow down!!" I call after him, but I know it's futile; he is surely already out of hearing sight. I sigh and walk through the crowd pulling my jacket closer around myself. The wind is terribly cold today. 

Finally I reach the café and Sean's mother greets me at the entrance. I look, surprised, at her.

"Good Morning," I say.

"Ah, Master Snape, how are you this morning?" she asks with a warm smile

I return the smile. "I'm fine."

"I'm sure you're looking for your little one," she says as she rubs her cold hands against her arms trying to cause warmth to her body through the friction move. "They went over to the grocery, they were talking abut trying out the new brooms they brought this week," she nods her head slightly to the side. "I believe it was the Dark Flight or something like that."

"Dark Fire." I correct her. "The names come from the dark red wooden color the broom has."

"Well, I don't understand that much about that kind of stuff anyway," she replies shrugging. "If you don't mind, I'm freezing out here."

And so I make my way, wishing that I don't have to walk into anyone from my past. I can't risk it. Not as long as the curse is still active. I don't want to witness any more deaths than I have already had to in my life and there were a lot if one considers how Voldemort took pleasure in sending me his torturing sessions via dreams.

But as Severus liked to tell me so often, I do attract trouble more than a normal person should. And I become painfully aware of it as a hand stops me and I turn startled around to meet Sirius Black's eyes.

I leave with Sev the grocery store leaving Sirius behind. I can already feel the pain in my chest increasing as the curse starts taking its course. Sev's small hand rest in mine and he glances unsurely up to me. I believe he senses the effect my godfather had on me, and the changes this meeting would bring into our lives.

I look up to the sky letting the snow cool my face and hearing the faint echo of a familiar voice.

"Maybe I was born to meet you." The words my husband spoke one night to me after we laid in each other's arms searching for comfort and rest. "The pointers of the clock cannot be turned back, but you can change their position with your own hands…" he loomed over me and his dark eyes shone brightly with all the love they beheld.

I knew what he meant; we had to choose a new path to follow after the war had ended, a path that would assure our children a peaceful future.

And I reached out for his face bringing it closer to mine trying to emit with this how much I loved him. "Life means change."

"Grandpa?" 

I'm brought out of my thought once more. "Yes?"

"Are we not going to mom's present?" he asks with his dark eyes in concern.

I kneel down next to him and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe we should wait for your uncle to come along. He might have a good idea of what to buy."

He thinks this through; I can see it in the way his expression changes. Just like Severus… The pain in my chest strikes out and I can barely keep it from showing in my face.

"Okay…" he replies and I stand up. Taking a quick look around I Apparate back to the house. Normally I would never think of doing such in public, but I need to make this pain stop somehow. We enter and I tell Sev to go check on his mother while I go down into Severus', now James's, lab looking for something to ease the pain. Grateful to find what I need I gulp the content of the vial down.

My thoughts are fuzzed up within my head and I don't know what to do. I grip onto the table trying to remain calm as the potion starts taking it's effect on me causing me to feel nauseated. I know it won't help for very long, but what else can I do?

I close my eyes as memory after memory is replayed in disorder in my mind. A particular one comes up very clearly, one of my daughter's childhood.

"I…I had a nightmare!" Mel sobbed in my arms, her body trembling in fear and I realize that she must have dreamt about one of our pasts.

Severus took her face in his hand and turned her to face him. "Mel, listen to me carefully, now."

She nods still crying, her fingers clenched into tiny fists against me.

I see him caress her cheek with his thumb whipping the tears from her face. "There is a small light inside you, Mel. Whenever the dark creeps into you, lit it on and hold it up to hush it away. Believe that what you dream is not real, that it is merely a trick that your own mind plays on you."

"But…" she sobbed more. "But what if it won't go away?"

Severus smiled encouragingly at her. "Light and Dark belong together since eternity. When the darkness scares you and you show her your tears it will become greater and bigger and it will fall over you winning over the light. Mel, when you wish to defeat the darkness that is in your heart then you must always let that light that lives in you shine brighter. That is very important."

She had looked with big eyes at her father before turning to me searching for truth behind the words Severus had spoken. I leaned down and kissed her forehead nodding with a warm smile. Her body relaxed against mine after a while and I lowered her back into her bed. Severus pulled the covers up and passed a hand through her hair.

"We'll leave the light on, alright?" he said as we stood at the door of her room.

She nodded as she curled to the side closing tiredly her eyes. Weeks later, when she awoke screaming again and we ran to her side to comfort and she asked us to shut off the light when we would leave. We were surprised, we knew she feared to be alone in the dark, but she answered with all the courage she could find: "I will let my light shine brighter… I will try!"

I don't know if I felt prouder of her or my husband that night.

The pain ceases as I reopen my eyes. I take a deep breath and go back upstairs where Sev is already looking for me to play with him. Lily joins us in the living room as the boy takes out our old chessboard and starts arranging the pieces in order to play. I take black, so he moves first.

Lily sits next to me and lays a hand on my leg. "Are you alright?" she asks quietly for her son not to hear. 

I shake my head knowing it to be useless to lie to her; she learned quickly from her grandfather how to see past my mask.

"I'll tell you later." The potion is numbing the pain, but the memories are still flowing rapidly through my mind making it hard for me to concentrate on the game. 

Later in the afternoon the other members of our house return and I retreat into the winter garden searching for some peace and quite since my head is banging terribly and the potion lost it's effect. I sit in my rocking chair and take out the diary my husband gave to me many years ago. I pass longingly my hand over the dark and silver carved surface. Closing my eyes I feel the pain in my chest return, and I know it won't be long before the curse will come to take me.

Life was never easy on me and it certainly wasn't going to leave me without bringing the most painful moments of my life once more into my thoughts. And what else to choose than the death of the person I loved more than I ever thought I would.

And so as I close my eyes I recall the moment in which I suddenly I couldn't hold back my tears any longer and I cried. I wasn't ashamed of it. People do laugh when they feel like it; why not show the opposite too. Someone handed me quietly a handkerchief. I remained silent and took it. Maybe I should have thanked them.

"You're the worst!! You simply disappeared!! You idiot!!" I cried desperately. "You betrayed me! You betrayed my feelings as so many others have!!"

He would surely have answered my insult…

_Tell me Severus, how am I to fill this emptiness inside? _

And I had the feeling to hear his voice: "It will always be there, but you can try to forget it and make new memories to cherish, Harry…"

I open my eyes seeing the faint figure of Severus smiling at me. And I smile back as the pain disappears.

Severus extends his hand to me. "Harry…" his voice just the same as I remembered it. "Everything will be fine now."

And I know it to be the truth. After so long I finally am able to join our hands. "Yes…"

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AN: so how did you like it? I left the part of Harry's and Sirius conversation out because I'm going to write it in the next chapter from Sirius POV ^_^

I'll try to publish sooner from now on, I'll really will try.

BTW, I remember someone asking where he or she can find my other stories that aren't here on fiction net. They are on my friend's page, the link can be found in my profile. But at the moment, the page is being rebuild and there isn't much up but some fanart.

Ya ne

Shayla


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